Making Mistakes Is Okay

Sat, Feb 7 2009 | 12 Comments

By: Coily Queen

Sep 26, 1999

"My hair has been straight since Wednesday when I hot combed it, and my mom still believes my natural hair will break, and I will need Wave Nouveau to manage the hair. I've seen and witnessed the results on my own poor sister, and frankly the stuff ain't worth it. [Sister] would be sooo much happier if she could grow out her natural hair. This [her age] is the stage where she can wear the cutest hair styles, and that can be done with her beautiful Natural hair. I hope that at least b/4 next summer she will give me a chance at [sister's] hair, because surely by then I'll have experience with dealing with her natural hair. I know she'll love it."

Have any of you experienced someone close to you such as a family member completely put down your choice of wearing your hair? Sometimes these comments come from their own personal experiences, but a lot of them really are unwarranted. Such negative comments can make one completely drop everything they believed in and choose to go in a different direction, just because you truly trust the opinions of those closest to you. Reality shows that people don't know everything, and really when they make such comments they're trying to protect you from having to experience anything you don't have to. In this case, it was protecting me from not having to struggle with my hair and not looking like I don't know how to do my hair... because as we all know, the hair on a woman's head is her Crown and Glory. When it's not right, it doesn't matter how beautiful your dress is or how hot your shoes are, you will always look incomplete. Granted it's important to care how your hair looks, sometimes when we're transitioning or trying something new with our hair it's not going to look right all the time! Now, personally looking back at this experience of mine, straightening my own hair as I used to back in '99/2000 was not such a good idea! I was also using an electric hot comb my mom still had from the 70's... you know, the type that makes that "cling" noise every time you run it through your hair? *shivers* So my mom was definitely on to something, even if it didn't come out in a way I would have liked to hear it (that my natural hair will break and that I should get a Jerri curl instead :-/ ). That's the risk you take for trying something new. It's a hit and miss. So before you begin doubting yourself and your choice of hair, remember to stay true to what you want for yourself and have a deep conviction of what you want, therefore when others try to tell you what is good for you or your hair you will be less likely to completely buy into it. Give yourself the chance to experiment and make mistakes! That's apart of the natural hair journey :-) I hope reading through my experiences and the experiences of others will help you to make less mistakes as well. That's the goal of my blog.

Please feel free to comment below with YOUR OWN experience!

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About Coily Queen

I blog about products, techniques, and processes that work for my type 4 a/b coily hair. My goal is to help teach women and men about my African coily hair texture so that they too can learn how to manage and style 'coily hair.' Don't be shy--ask a question or leave a comment!

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http://www.dermatalk.com/ dermatalk

hi sweetyb just dropped to check out your site… nice site do keep updating…
http://www.dermatalk.com dermatalk

hi sweetyb just dropped to check out your site… nice site do keep updating…
http://www.coilyhair.com/ CoilyHair

Thanks so much dermatalk for stopping by to check it out and commenting! There will be many more updates to come, I hope to see you back soon :-) Thanks for the compliment.
Bessie Kaine

Thanks so much dermatalk for stopping by to check it out and commenting! There will be many more updates to come, I hope to see you back soon :-) Thanks for the compliment.
Tammra

My fam still doesn’t like my hair. My Gma thinks I’ve lost and looks at me sides ways everytime I walk out the house with my bantu/twist out. I use to press my hair EVERYDAY I mean every single day I had a hot comb in my head. Then I didnt really care about having healthy hair I just wanted straight hair which is sad in so many ways. My pain come from never getting the chance to love my natural hair at a young age my mother always pressed my hair from as long as I can remember. This in turn lead me to having short hair for most of my life or even if my hair did grow it was always so thin. So with that being said I get a lot of discouraging comments but I try not to let them affect me since at the end of the day its MY hair. And once they see how how healthy my hair has become they will envy me =]
Tammra

My fam still doesn’t like my hair. My Gma thinks I’ve lost and looks at me sides ways everytime I walk out the house with my bantu/twist out. I use to press my hair EVERYDAY I mean every single day I had a hot comb in my head. Then I didnt really care about having healthy hair I just wanted straight hair which is sad in so many ways. My pain come from never getting the chance to love my natural hair at a young age my mother always pressed my hair from as long as I can remember. This in turn lead me to having short hair for most of my life or even if my hair did grow it was always so thin. So with that being said I get a lot of discouraging comments but I try not to let them affect me since at the end of the day its MY hair. And once they see how how healthy my hair has become they will envy me =]
http://www.coilyhair.com/ CoilyHair

I appreciate how you can still have your own inner conviction about your ideal type of hair despite your opposition. Whenever negativity comes your way, just smile, or even laugh it off. Wearing an unconventional hairstyle might land you an unfitting label by those who just do not understand our hair–and there’s a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to our hair! That’s why those who care about us often play devil’s advocate to show us what society does not completely accept, a confusing way to protect us from getting burned out there. Their dislike for your hair is their way of trying to get you to change, purposefully discouraging and in a way telling you that you don’t know what’s good for your own hair. Until our families and respective communities change their views of natural hair, just keep doin’ what you do and stay positive ;-)
http://www.coilyhair.com Bessie Kaine

I appreciate how you can still have your own inner conviction about your ideal type of hair despite your opposition. Whenever negativity comes your way, just smile, or even laugh it off. Wearing an unconventional hairstyle might land you an unfitting label by those who just do not understand our hair–and there’s a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to our hair! That’s why those who care about us often play devil’s advocate to show us what society does not completely accept, a confusing way to protect us from getting burned out there. Their dislike for your hair is their way of trying to get you to change, purposefully discouraging and in a way telling you that you don’t know what’s good for your own hair. Until our families and respective communities change their views of natural hair, just keep doin’ what you do and stay positive ;-)
http://laymahannah.piczo.com/ hannah

I want to go natural now. but its really emotional for me. my mum thinks its MORE manageable if u have the hair straight but i think thats rubbish. there are plenty of straighetners that can straighten it and wide tooth combs to make untangeling more easier. shes soo used to relaxing her hair (she has been relaxing her hair for 26 years) soo its not easy for her i understand that but it upsets me. she was the one that forced me to have a relaxer anyway. i loved my afro hair. even though its painful its what i was born with. so i want to go natural. for good. show off my afro hair with pride. all black or mixed race women should. its terrible. i mean look at LEONA LEWIS! her hair is soooo curly but she rocks it! and diana ross. even though there hair isnt as thick as mine i look up to them.
I just hope everything works out for me. and i hope people dont tease me because of my hair because i dont want to have a hard life.
hannah xx
http://laymahannah.piczo.com hannah

I want to go natural now. but its really emotional for me. my mum thinks its MORE manageable if u have the hair straight but i think thats rubbish. there are plenty of straighetners that can straighten it and wide tooth combs to make untangeling more easier. shes soo used to relaxing her hair (she has been relaxing her hair for 26 years) soo its not easy for her i understand that but it upsets me. she was the one that forced me to have a relaxer anyway. i loved my afro hair. even though its painful its what i was born with. so i want to go natural. for good. show off my afro hair with pride. all black or mixed race women should. its terrible. i mean look at LEONA LEWIS! her hair is soooo curly but she rocks it! and diana ross. even though there hair isnt as thick as mine i look up to them.
I just hope everything works out for me. and i hope people dont tease me because of my hair because i dont want to have a hard life.
hannah xx
http://www.coilyhair.com/ CoilyHair

Hi Hannah!
I appreciate you knowing what you want for yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to wear your hair the way you want and that’s great that you’ve found it in yourself to believe this. Given that this is your mom, just know that she’s trying to look out for you in the only way that she knows which is to follow what she feels will benefit you from her experience, most likely to prevent you from having a “hard life.” Sometimes people who want to guide us forget that we have our own preferences too. Just as you have remembered people like Leona Lewis who are in the limelight who wear their hair as natural as they feel, just know that your hairstyle will primarily be determined by your professional life. Because she is in the entertainment industry, she can get away with wearing her hair as she wishes (and of course this is just my assumption). But if you’re in corporate America for example, it’s wise not to let your hair become a distraction. What people have to understand though is that no matter what you do for a living or how you decide to wear your hair there is never a good enough reason not to grow and maintain your hair in its natural texture! My job is to show others what my Natural Journey has been like to prove that you don’t have to “know it all” or have “good hair” to grow natural hair. It’s also to help teach others what I may not have been taught when I was starting out. And I hope people like you continue to help me do that :-)

I pray you have a successful hair journey!
Bessie Kaine

Hi Hannah!
I appreciate you knowing what you want for yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to wear your hair the way you want and that’s great that you’ve found it in yourself to believe this. Given that this is your mom, just know that she’s trying to look out for you in the only way that she knows which is to follow what she feels will benefit you from her experience, most likely to prevent you from having a “hard life.” Sometimes people who want to guide us forget that we have our own preferences too. Just as you have remembered people like Leona Lewis who are in the limelight who wear their hair as natural as they feel, just know that your hairstyle will primarily be determined by your professional life. Because she is in the entertainment industry, she can get away with wearing her hair as she wishes (and of course this is just my assumption). But if you’re in corporate America for example, it’s wise not to let your hair become a distraction. What people have to understand though is that no matter what you do for a living or how you decide to wear your hair there is never a good enough reason not to grow and maintain your hair in its natural texture! My job is to show others what my Natural Journey has been like to prove that you don’t have to “know it all” or have “good hair” to grow natural hair. It’s also to help teach others what I may not have been taught when I was starting out. And I hope people like you continue to help me do that :-)

I pray you have a successful hair journey!